Design + Image - Thursday January 6, 2005 @ 8:32 PM

Well I learned something about myself today. And it had to do with the Design + Image course I'm taking this semester. Some people that know we fairly well know that when I originally applied to university three years ago, I applied for a program in Bachelor of Design. Well I never got into it (even after the rigorous interview, portfolio, essay, questionnaire, etc. etc. grr...) and opted to do Kinesiology instead. So I've essentially done no design work in an actual class setting since about high school. I've never really cared because I spend a lot of my own time doing graphical work for my web sites or even for fanart and the like. Well when I went to class today I almost convinced myself that I should de-enroll from this course. I was in a near panic mode, and for the first thirty minutes I told myself I was going to drop the course because I couldn't handle it and I was in over my head and basically a whole pile of bullshit excuses. Which is when I suddenly realized that I wanted to drop the course because my pride is actually WAY too big. I cannot stand being bad at something I adore, or at something I believe I'm especially good at. I'm the same with sports. And I've been getting kinda crappy marks in university, but I always kind of secretly told myself that it didn't matter because the courses that I was taking weren't really things I was interested in or things that mattered to me. Or I was just taking them for the hell of taking them. That it never really mattered all that much anyway. So now I'm taking a course which I love and is everything I felt I've been missing the past few years and I'm freaking terrified of looking bad or inept or silly. So I sat through the first session and now I adore it. I haven't painted or drawn or done anything physically artistically involving (I don't count computer work as physically involving) in years. I'm rusty, but I don't care because I'm absolutely loving it. It was amazing to finally have a pencil in my hand, drawing on a piece of paper again. Wow, have I ever missed it. And the projects for the course look really good too. Heh, I think this is the very first class in three years of university that I've actually been interested in!